You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
