Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
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