"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
im on a boat
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