Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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