I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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