I am puke
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize