you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
