OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
