My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
