non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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