I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
