first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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