What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
