Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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