When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
