Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize