She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I still have a little drunk in my system
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
