We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
