just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
