I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize