I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
