apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I need to sanitize my soul.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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