My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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