I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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