mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
