Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
