drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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