she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
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