I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize