I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
wow bdsm is so cute
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
