so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
