Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
