His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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