My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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