That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize