i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
