I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
