Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
porn star boner night. come get it.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize