it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
