Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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