Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
So here I am, sexting at work.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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