I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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