i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
