i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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