Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
