whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
