well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
