Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
