he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
