I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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