in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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