Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
