If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
