I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I have post one night stand depression
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