I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Your cock deserves a montage
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
