i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize