You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
