This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
