Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
