Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
