thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
