i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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