and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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