You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
