Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
