I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
