i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
