Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize