I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
my being single is dangerous.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
