someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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