She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
