Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
