If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
