I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Who did Billy Mays play for?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
