Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You made out with two different species that night
Also, beer. Big fan.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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