**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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