My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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