Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
