Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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