Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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