There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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