you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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