Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
