my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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