the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
